scottishnomad
Shanghai 今天是我的一天在上海。19小时在飞机的时候我到在上海机场。我很累。在上海天气差不多又云又热。Isla和我一起去超市买东西。找超市消很多时候。以后我们去AisenRamen吃晚饭。我们吃了炒面和饺子。Isla试一试荔枝汁。我们散步。终于我们多是累和回来宿舍。 我不喜欢我的房间因为没有浴室。有很多人做我们的浴室所以这个房间很脏。夜里我感觉毛了。我醒很多次, 我想一想我的老公。我有恐惧但是我不这道为什么。我也感到孤单甚至我要回去苏格兰。我从来感觉这是以前。 所以, 我希望今天更好!
Jul 11, 2014 1:37 PM
Corrections · 3

Shanghai

今天是我在上海度过一天在上海。19小时的飞行后在飞机的时候我到上海机场。我很累。上海天气差不多又热。Isla和我一起去超市买东西。找超市用了很多时后我们去AisenRamen吃晚饭。我们吃了炒面和饺子。Isla试(deleted 一 here,but you can't see it clearly )试荔枝汁。然后我们散步。终于我们一身疲惫多是累和宿舍。 


我不喜欢我的房间因为没有浴室。有很多人做我们的浴室所以这个房间很脏。(I don't understand this sentense,what do you mean by ”做“?)夜里我感觉害怕了。我醒很多次, 我想念想一想我的老公。我有恐惧但是我不道为什么自己如此恐惧。我感到孤单甚至要回苏格兰。我以前从来没有过这种感觉是以前

所以, 我希望今天更好!(Better to say: 希望今天一切顺利。)

 

Apart from what was suggested by Amanda,here is my advice:

1.You don't use 在 after 到, don't put them together. 到达 is a nice word to say arrive. 

2.云 is not an adjective in our daily life. If you mean cloudy,多云的 is ok.闷 means depressing or            hard to breathe. Actually 闷热 can make a word together,which is sweatering or stuffy.

3.If you mean a poried of time, 时间 is better than 时候,like 一段时间. Pay attention to this: 有时间&有    时候.The latter means sometimes,the same as 有时, while somebody 有时间 means he or she is available.eg:

   你有时间吗?能帮我一个忙吗? Have you got a minute? Could you please do me a favor?

4.The use of 毛 is quite interesting. I'm surprised you know its meaning of "being scared"! BUT, you      mustn't use it in an essay except in a novel. It's very informal! You even have to be careful when      you use the word in a conversation. It's slightly rude. :)

 

October 20, 2014
1、今天是我在上海的第一天 2、在飞机上呆了19个小时后我来到上海机场。 3、找超市需要很长时间、我要花很长时间找超市 时候=time(point) 时间=time(period) About the second paragraph,I think if you can give the English version,it would be easier to polish your Chinese article. In addition,foreign learners of Chinese often have difficulty in dealing with the position of adverbials in a sentence. Influenced by their mother tongues, learners often place adverbials at the end of a sentence. For example, they translate the English sentence : "It is the first day I am in shanghai."今天是我的一天在上海,but this is incorrect. It is not what Chinese people say in their everyday life, although they can understand them if you say the sentences to them in that way.   Native Chinese speakers can immediately tell the speaker is not a native speaker even if his or her pronunciation and intonation are perfect. The right way is to place adverbials, especially adverbials of time or place, is immediately before the verb of the predicate. So, the correct way to say the above sentence is:今天是我在上海的第一天. When there is both an adverbial of place and an adverbial of time in one Chinese sentence, foreigners tend to put them in a wrong order. They put the adverbial of place before the adverbial of time, but Chinese people do the reverse. For example, I heard someone say: 我在中国去年夏天学习汉语了。 The correct sentence should be: 我去年夏天在中国学习汉语了。   Chinese people place the adverbial of time before that of place. Just my humble opinion,hope it works. Amanda~
August 5, 2014

Shanghai

今天是我的一天在上海今天是我在上海的第一天19小时在飞机的时候我到在上海机场我们在飞机上(度过)19个小时,(然后)到达上海机场。我很累。在上海天气差不多又云又热多云而且很热。Isla和我一起去超市买东西。找超市消很多时候(我们)花了很多时间找超市以后然后我们去AisenRamen吃晚饭。我们吃了炒面和饺子。Isla试一试荔枝汁。我们散步。终于我们多是,(我们)宿舍。

我不喜欢我的房间因为没有浴室。有很多人我们的浴室所以这个房间很脏。夜里我感觉毛了。我醒很多次, 我想一想我的老公。我感到恐惧但是我不这道为什么。我也感到孤单甚至我要回去苏格兰。我从来感觉这是以前。

所以, 我希望今天(会or能)更好!

 

①:ordinal number  just needs "第"       first day  第一天

②:云 is just a noun

③:when it comes to time spending,we often use 花(费) more than 消费 

④:做 often means make but not use(用,使用)

⑤:i'm sorry  i cannot get "毛了".i suppose you lose sleep?  我失眠了

⑥:"我有恐惧"  we hardly say this way

 

good dairy  ^_^ 加油

July 11, 2014
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