Toefl integrated essay #2

Both the reading passage and the lecture are about starting small businesses. The author of the article thinks that that the advantages of (it) starting a small business* are greater than the disadvantages. He claims that a person who starts his own business suffers (from less) less from bureaucracy and has more job security than an employee in a big company. Moreover, the traditional(ly) fringe benefits (in) for pension and insurance in big companies have been decreasing in recent years. 

The lecturer argues that starting a small business (have) has (bad things) disadvantages also. First, there is bureaucracy in small businesses as well as in big companies. One who wants to start a business needs to (achieve) obtain a license. For that he needs to (write a lot of papers) fill a lot of forms and it is takes a long time. Additionally, a person who starts a business with a partner needs (that) his partner to will agree with every decision he (takes) makes.

Second, (the) job security in small businesses is low. While you are working in a big company, you can rely on other people. On the other hand, when you start your own business you cannot rely on anybody except yourself. For example, when a person gets sick for several days, no one will pay him for those days. Moreover, history has shown that the majority of (the) small businesses fail(ed)** in their first six months.

Finally, although the fringe benefits in big companies have been decreasing in recent years, they are still (greater) better than the conditions in small businesses. When you have your own business, you need to find a pension program and health insurance by yourself; you cannot rely on the company to find those programs for you. The lecturer concludes that little insurance is better than no insurance at all.

Blue for suggestions (not corrections)

Magenta for corrections

* I repeated "starting a small business", because it does not sound ok with "it" instead.  If you feel this is repetitive, try to find another way of saying "starting a small business" the second time, like for example "becoming self-employed", or "starting a new/small company", etc.

** I changed failed to fail, because you are not reporting the results of a particular research study, but rather a general conclusion of what tends to happen to small businesses in general.  

Your English is very good, Muly.  There are only a few small mistakes and overall it sounds very natural.   It looks more like the writing of a native speaker who typed too fast than that of a non-native speaker.