Updated Version

Aajha garchhu

Mai le Ma aajha behaana sadhai saadhé aath baje uthyé. Pahila maile ma lai dhunné maile nuwaayé. Tespachhi, coffee ra khaana baniyé banaayé. Baahira paani barira pariraa cha teseile jado cha. Malai aajha ali kati thakoko thakai lagyo, kina bhane hami hijo beluka sathiharu sanga guff garnako laagi restaurantma guff ko laagi gayé gayaau. Mai le Ma mero ghar waripaari sadhai aghara saadhé yeghaara baje tira pharké. Abadekhi Yespachhi abama Nepali bhasa dui ghanta ko laagi Nepali bhaasaa padchhu.

Aajha beluka ma mero shrimatisanga aaspatal janchhu. Hijo raati hamro sathiko naaya ekjana chori hunnu hunthiyo bhaayo. Uni uhaharuko pahilo chori hunnuhuncha hun. Aaspatal hamro gharbaata busma jaada pandhra minete taadha chha.

Hami kahile jaba hamro gharma pharkinchauu, ma khaana pakauchhu.

New vocabulary from your edits 

nuwaaunu (verb) - to wash yourself

thaknu (verb) - to be tired

lagnu -  to feel 
thakai lagyo - to feel tired

waripari (preposition) - surrounding, around 

jaada - when going

jaba - when (not in question form) kahile - when (you ask a question)

Aajha garchhu

Maile aajha bihaana saadhe aath baje uthyé. Pahila maile ma lai dhunné  nuwaaye. Tespachhi, coffee ra khaana banaayé. Baahira paani barira ani parekole jaado chha. Malai aajha ali kati  thakai lagyo(1), kina bhane ma(hami) hijo beluka sathiharu sanga guff  garnako laagi restaurantma gayéko(gayeka) thiye(thiyeu). Maile mero gharma waripaari sadhai aghara baje tira pharké. Abadekhi ma dinko dui gunta ko laagi Nepali bhaasaa padchhu.

Aajha beluka ma mero shrimatisanga aspataal jaanchhu. Hijo raati hamro sathiko naya chori bhaayo. U Uhaharuko pahilo chori ho(4). Aspataal hamro gharbaata bus ma jaa(n)da pandhra minete taadha chha.

Hami kahile jaba hamro gharma pharkinchauu, ma khaana pakauchu.

Some remarks. 

1. Ma aajha ali kati thaakae ... is also right. 

2. Waripari>> surrounding. Mero ghar waripari hariyaali chha. There is greenery around my place. 

3. Nayaa is generally used for things. 

4. You don't need high level of respect for someone younger than you. 

5. Ma and malai can be confusing in Nepali. Try making some more sentences. I will correct them for you. 

Nice try again. Dherai raamro.