Education Just as is illustrated in the quotation, education has the power to foster the stability of society by guiding citizens to abide by the basic rules, while at the same time, citizens can als

Shana

Education Just as is illustrated in the quotation, education has the power to foster the stability of society by guiding citizens to abide by the basic rules, while at the same time, citizens can also build up their own happy society by making full use of their knowledge which they receive from the education. First, education makes people easy to lead and govern. Our social civilization organizes from every member's contribution. Regarding education, what matters most and benefits most would be the awareness that everything has some principles in it, and they can easily understand that our society also needs rules, principles and regulations to work properly. Such an understanding would make the citizens follow the rules of the society, creating a society that can be led and governed with ease. Not only can the science guide us to construct our civilized system wiser, but also the moral encourage us to devote ourselves for a harmonious society, such as trust, compromise and so on. Moral education is an important part in education, which conveys universal doctrines of exhorting citizens to do good and avoid doing bad. The result is, educated citizens consciously accept the regulations by government and show respect for the authorities. （Thanks for your correction, this is not a 100% original writing, I'm practicing this topic and trying to extend it by writing as more words as I could.）

Dec 18, 2022 4:57 AM

Answers · 9

The main problem is that it’s too wordy. Simply throwing as many long words as possible into sentences is not good English. It becomes difficult to read. Is the original you are expanding yours or someone else’s?

December 18, 2022

Your writing is good in general, but I think there are a few points you should consider. 1. The original quotation is "Education makes a people easy to lead, but difficult to drive; easy to govern, but impossible to enslave.", but your piece seems to expound only on "easy to lead and govern" while ignoring "difficult to driver and impossible to enslave". You should write as much about the latter part (or perhaps even more since the original quote might be giving greater emphasis to it), and this will make the writing more thoughtful and balanced and also less repetitive. 2. I would remove "Just as is illustrated in the quotation" in the beginning which refers to the instruction for the exercise. I believe what they are asking for is a short but good essay which can stand on its own, which means any references to the exercise context is extraneous and makes for a poor writing. You could start with a general statement like 'Henry Peter Brougham famously said in the 19th century that "Education ...".'.

December 18, 2022