The Unlucky Burglar (!) :) I wrote this story as a writing practice in my workbook. Could you check it out for any mistakes, please? Last Saturday, a burglar entered Derek's house. First, he (Th

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The Unlucky Burglar (!) :) I wrote this story as a writing practice in my workbook. Could you check it out for any mistakes, please? Last Saturday, a burglar entered Derek's house. First, he (The burglar is a male according to picture in the book) tried brake into house through front door. But he couldn't. So he went to the back door. Unfortunately, he could enter the house from back door. He looked around and put many things in his bag. Suddenly, while he was continuing to look around, a bee stung him. The burglar was an allergic to bees and he fainted. Amazingly, Derek's dog was sleeping in the living room but the dog didn't hear anything. When Derek came home, to his surprised, he found the burglar on the floor. He immediately called the police. They came and arrested the burglar.

Dec 24, 2012 6:50 PM

Corrections · 1

The Unlucky Burglar (!) :)

I wrote this story as a writing practice in my workbook. Could you check it out for any mistakes, please?

<em>Only a couple of small things:</em>

Last Saturday, a burglar entered Derek's house. First, he (The burglar is a male according to picture in the book) tried brake break into the house through the front door, but he couldn't. So he went to the back door. Unfortunately, he could enter the house from the back door. He looked around and put many things into his bag. Suddenly, while he was continuing continued looking around, a bee stung him. The burglar was an allergic to bees and he fainted. Amazingly, Derek's dog was sleeping in the living room but the dog didn't hear anything. When Derek came home, to his surprised he found the burglar on the floor. He immediately called the police. They came and arrested the burglar.