一個誠實的意見。您需要提供出您的中文版本才能修改你的英文.  從翻譯中你可以知道你的英文錯缺.

The sad parting（离别时的伤感）

Joy, when we get together the sad parting. In just five days trip in a hurry at home, stay a few days, it's a not erase memories! Left is one joy, one regrets, sections of sad, increase of shed... When set foot on left, again in the same place, the same drop off point, sat on the old travel in the same car! Looking at the parents that thin body, mom and dad looked at me with don't give up. We communicate in eyes! When driving car, the mood is how, tears wet my eyes immediately! Can see mom and dad more than I even more anxious restless, more don't give up. How much I want to go to jump off, holding my parents's hand to back to home. Accompany them to stay at home these days, but!!!!! But I should do more!!!!!!!!!!! Remembering these days of course, the year go home, although journey hard toil, but returned home after the mood is very joy! Don't suddenly feel a little tired of! More easily instead, because I returned to the arms of my parents, back to life I have my place - home. At the moment I enjoy not everyone can enjoy the fatherly love motherly love! Like back to childhood, without any sorrow, have very strong sense of security! Unfortunately, her is not enough, let parents worry about tired burden for us! See them slowly old, white hair is clearly visible, at this moment feel parents old! Really old! Though my parents nagging all the time we, I also know that good for us but I have thought about your words, I will try my best to finish your orders, no longer let you worry about, because the son grow up, I promised to you JunLingZhuang, two years will do good things, get things right!!!!!!!!!!! Mom and dad, son want to leave you again, how much I don't give up... You take good care of yourself at home, take good care of yourself, a lot less worried about us. To return home. At this point, the family, is my all over the world!

此时我尊享着不是每个人都可以享受到的父爱母爱！

At this moment, I am enjoying what most others cannot, the moment of bathing in the love of my parents.

仿若回到童年时代，It is, as if I had returned to my yesteryears of a child,

没了半点忧愁顾虑，A time of no sorrow or worry.

有了无比强大的安全感！A time of feeling unlimited safety!

了遗憾的是，What I regret is that

自己还不够争气，I am still not on par

让爸妈为我们操心劳累负担！in letting my parents worry day and night!

看到他们慢慢老去的容颜，I see old age creeping upon their faces,

清晰可见的白发，White hair in discerning strands,

此时此刻感受到爸妈老了！At this time, at this moment, I feel that they had really aged!

真的老了！Really, they have aged!

虽说爸妈整天唠叨我们，Although day and night, they do nag,

我也知道为我们好可我都有想过你们的话，I know that it's for our own good and I do reflect upon their words.

我也尽力去完成你们嘱咐的心愿，I will do my utmost to fulfill your wishes,

不再让你们操心，No longer again will I cause you two to worry for me,

因为儿子长大了，This is because your son has grown up.

我向你们立下过军令状，To thee, your son shall solemnly promise that

两年内必定办好事，Within two years time, great success will ensure,

把事办好！！！Feats shall be accomplished!

爸妈，           Father, Mother,

儿子又要离开你们了，Your son is leaving now,

我是多么的不舍…… How I reluctant that I am...

你们在家好好照顾自己，Please take good care of yourselves,

多多保重身体，especially mindful of your health,
少担心我们。Let us worry not.
待儿衣锦还乡。Wait for your son to return home in glory.
此时，This moment,
家，my family,
是我的全世界！is my everything.

Very powerful piece, filled with great emotion.  I have learnt much phrases from you.  I especially like your use of 立下过军令状.  I can't do a literal translation since the two cultures are so vastly different.  What is acceptable in Chinese is not in English.  For example, "having sworn a military oath" makes not much sense in English as a "solemn promise". Since this is written in a sort of a poetry style, I am sure there are tons of questions for you.  Feel free to ask.  This way, we both learn.