Essay: Young children should not be allowed to own mobile phones. To what extent do you agree?
Nowadays, many children are provided with mobile phones since from an early ages in order to, according to some parents, keep in contact with their parents when they are out not home. But, are we aware of the risks that new smartphones have? As I see it, new technologies and children should be controled by adults as far much as is possible.
My main reason to think this is a psychological reason. Young children are not able to understand the risks and problems that smarthones can produce. Children want to be the same as their classmates,; to be in fashion. Managing a smartphone with its characteristics is a difficult task which requires maturity.
Another reason is internet and its wide world wide connection. It is a well-known fact that uploading photos to internet means lose losing (some of) your privacy. When a picture is loading uploaded in to known popular social networks, such as Facebook, it is imposible to know where the picture will ends up.
Some people argue that children today need to carry mobile phones so their parents are be able to locate them at any time. Moreover, they say that having a rechargable card is a good way to control the spent money spent by children. I can be agree with that, - children today go out more than us we did in the past, and it is a good way to know where they are.
To sum up, I strongly believe that we should teach our children about the new technologies´'risks. From schools and homes we have to talk with them about it. New technologies emerged to improve our life quality, from the knowledge when used in the proper fashion they can fulfill their designated purpose.
Whoa. This is pretty damn good. You're clearly studied very hard. Things in red are incorrect, things in green are correct and things in yellow are "questionable" and I will commont on them below.
-The word <em>since</em> is not used the same in English as it is in many other languages. It usually means from that point in the past up until now - <em>I've played football since I was five.</em>
-<em>their parents</em> is in yellow because you've already talked about the parents in the same sentence - I think that it would be better to, therefore, use <em>them</em>
-The second phrase in yellow just doesn't really make sense. I would write something like. <em>I have a few reasons for having come to the conclusion(s) that I have done, but the primary one is _______I</em>
In English, <em>semi colons</em> are used when the next clause of the sentence is not realted enough to the previous to warrent a comma, but not distantly enoguh related to have to use a full stop.
-Technically speaking, and what I was always told in school is that, you should never use a comme before the word <em>and</em> unless you are enclosing a phrase starting with the word and in parentheses. However, many authors do it. When you do use a comma before <em>and</em> it puts more of a gap between the word before <em>and </em>and the word <em>and </em>itself. To me, this makes it sound like more of an after thought, but not as much as when you use ellipses.
-You've used some bizarre comma on the word technologies'. However, you have used the comma corrrecty. (Well done! So many people get this wrong!). Although, technically speaking, technology is like the word sheep (plural and singular) and thence forth the word technologies (and fishes and sheeps and persons) is kind of redundant.
-The phrase <em>life quality </em>is fine, but we usually say <em>quality of life</em>
Hope this helps! Keep up the work because you are clearly doing the right thing! :D
