In the original sentence, both parts use the past perfect simple tense. (It had been. He had heard)
PPS is used to talk about an action that happened in the past, and before another action.
Fictional books are often written in the past tense, so PPS is used a lot when describing events that happened in the past from a character's perspective.
Your sentences make sense, but are all slightly grammatically incorrect, using the wrong tense forms in places.
I'm not perfect when it comes to grammar though, so don't take my words as law!