"Don't screw with me" is offensive, yes. An alternate could be: "Don't play games with me." It isn't an insult, it is informing that you are serious and you do not wish to messed around. It is still confrontational but not outright offensive. 2: It depends on what context. If you wanted to say it politely, it would be something like "It's awful being hungover in the morning". 3: There isn't really a way you could substitute the word from that saying, without changing the sentence. You could say "stuff happens" or "it happens", but it changes the meaning. If you wanted to say that saying without swearing, "stuff happens" would probably be the best way. It implies the original word without saying it.

The words are irreplaceable. Stick to the originals.

Poop happens!

Swearing adds emphasis to what you are saying, but *only* if you swear infrequently. Obviously you have to be sensitive to the appropriate situation (not in front of your mum/boss etc) but then there are grades of how "strong" a swear word is. It also varies from country to country, I get the feeling that saying F**k is quite commonplace in the US (gleaned from US tv). In Australia we probably swear a fair bit, but you will rarely hear someone say "F**k you", unless you were prepared to physically fight them. The expression "shit happens" is quite acceptable, I would even be OK saying that in front of my mum :) Colourful expressions that are less offensive: * Well, it sucks to be you ... ("well" softens this a bit, leave out the "well" and it's a bit stronger) * I have to go home early, I'm in the shit with [someone] ... (they're angry with me) * [someone] is pissed off with me (they're angry with me) My daughter gave me a "Korean swearing" book for Christmas last year. It was ... um, enlightening :) and quite entertaining. Maybe there is a similar book about english swearing ... Ciao, Andrew.

The only one I would suggest changing would be don't f*** with me, to be politer you can say don't play games with me. It sucks to..is not rude at all and is not even a swear word. Shit happens is a phrase nothing else would work in the same way.