With language, of course, everything is dependent on the context. But without any context given, I would say that
"Not exactly" and "not quite" are very similar. Perhaps "not quite" sounds a bit more negative than "not exactly".
Are these two chairs the same? Not quite. Not exactly.
Both say that the chairs are similar, but not precisely the same. "Not quite" is often used sarcastically to mean that the chairs are not at all the same, but you will hear "not exactly" used in that same sarcastic fashion.
Are these two chairs the same? Not really.
"Not really", on the other hand, seems to make much less of an assumption that the chairs are similar. They may be quite different indeed. "Not really" is often used as a less harsh way of simply saying "no".
Would you like to go to the movies? Not really.
That doesn't sound as dry as simply saying "no".