水烟轻澹
introducing an ancient poem about moon 望月怀远 This poem is very beautiful yet a little bit difficult. I don't know whether English my translation is correct,:P. 望月怀远 Looking at the moon and missing (someone)far away 唐 张九龄 Dynasty Tang 海上生明月,As the moon rises to shine brilliantly above the sea, 天涯共此时(shi)。the entire world shares the same moment together. 情人怨遥夜,Sensitive people complain of the long long evening, 竟夕起相思(si)。Start missing for the whole night. 灭烛怜光满, Snuff the candle and love the full moonlight. 披衣觉露滋(zi)。Throw on clothes and be moist by the dew. 不堪盈手赠, As I can't hand you the moonlight, 还寝梦佳期(qi)。so I go to bed again to dream of meeting you. explanation: 1. It is very common to miss someone while looking at the moon in Chinese culture. 2. In ancient time,情人 doesn't mean lover,it means 有情之人。I don't know how to translate a person who is sensitive to mood(??) 3. 夕 has two meaning,one is sunset and the other is evening. 竟夕means the whole night. 4.怜 also not mean pity here,in ancient time,it can mean love. for example,怜香惜玉。
28 maj 2011 14:18
Poprawki · 19

This is no correction! Just enjoying this poem.

望月怀远 Looking at the moon and missing (someone)far away
Longing for the distance while looking up the moon
※I felt the one by Jeff is nice. Just thought out by myself.

唐 张九龄 Dynasty Tang

海上生明月,As the moon rises to shine brilliantly above the sea,
As the moon rises shining brilliantly above the sea,

天涯共此时(shi)。the entire world shares the same moment together.
suppose you are sharing this very moment on the other end of the world.

情人怨遥夜,Sensitive people complain of the long long evening,
The sensitive person complains of the length of the evening,

竟夕起相思(si)。Start missing for the whole night.
is because he starts missing the lover all through the night.

灭烛怜光满, Snuff the candle and love the full moonlight.
Snuff off the candle and treasure the moonlight everywhere,

披衣觉露滋(zi)。Throw on clothes and be moist by the dew.
putting on the coat, find being moist with dews on it.

不堪盈手赠, As I can't hand you the moonlight,
It's the dews glittering with the moonlight, which I can't hand over,

还寝梦佳期(qi)。so I go to bed again to dream of meeting you.
so now it's the right time for meeting you in bed.

The translation is based on my understanding and free imagination:)

30 maja 2011

<font face="Calibri">Not sure if you know of this essay I wrote on translation.  Here's the link

</font><a href="http://www.italki.com/docs/d6051ce4-48cf-4837-b490-0a8124864116.htm"><font color="#800080" face="Calibri">http://www.italki.com/docs/d6051ce4-48cf-4837-b490-0a8124864116.htm</font></a>;

<font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000">Introducing an ancient poem </font><s><font color="#000000">about </font>the <font color="#000000">moon</font></s><font color="#000000"> </font></font><font color="#000000">望月怀远</font><font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000">, </font>"Viewing The Moon In Reminiscence"
</font>

<font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000">This poem is very beautiful yet a<s> little </s>bit difficult. I don't know <s>whether</s> </font>if  my <font color="#000000">English <s>my </s>translation is correct</font></font><font color="#000000">,:</font><font color="#000000"><font face="Calibri">P.

</font>
望月怀远<font face="Calibri"> <s>Looking at the moon and missing </s></font><s></s><s><font face="Calibri">someone</font></s><s></s><s><font face="Calibri">far away </font></s></font><font face="Calibri">"Viewing The Moon In Reminiscence" 2</font>

<font color="#000000"><font face="Calibri"> </font>张九龄</font><font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000"> Dynasty Tang </font>3

</font>
<font color="#000000">海上生明月,</font><font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000">As the moon rises to shine brilliantly above the sea, </font>4
</font><font face="Calibri">The brilliant moon, born out of the sea,

</font>
<font color="#000000">天涯共此时(<font face="Calibri">shi</font>)。</font><font face="Calibri">Let </font><font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000">the entire world shares the same moment together. 
</font>Sharing this moment even as we are at different ends of the world.

</font>
<font color="#000000">情人怨遥夜,<font face="Calibri">Sensitive people complain of the long long evening</font></font><font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000"> 
</font>My friend 5</font><font face="Calibri">, I frown that this night is too long,

</font>
<font color="#000000">竟夕起相思(<font face="Calibri">si</font>)。</font><font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000">Start</font>ed<font color="#000000"> missing</font> you </font><font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000">for the <s>whole</s> night.
</font>Indeed I miss you greatly this entire evening6</font><font face="Calibri">.

</font>
<font color="#000000">灭烛怜光满,</font><font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000"> Snuff </font>out </font><font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000">the candle and love the full moonlight. 
</font>Snuff out the candle light and enjoy this moonlight together7</font><font face="Calibri">.

</font>
<font color="#000000">披衣觉露滋(<font face="Calibri">zi</font>)。</font><font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000">Throw</font>ing<font color="#000000"> on </font>some c</font><font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000">lothes and <s>be </s>moist by the dew.
</font>Draping on my clothes I find them dewy wet.8</font>

<font color="#000000">不堪盈手赠,</font><font color="#000000" face="Calibri"> As I can't hand you the moonlight,
</font><font face="Calibri">Alas as I cannot grasp your hands fully,

</font>
<font color="#000000">还寝梦佳期(<font face="Calibri">qi</font>)。</font><font color="#000000" face="Calibri">so I go to bed again to dream of meeting you.
</font><font face="Calibri">I shall retire to dream of our reunion.

<font color="#000000">explanation</font></font>
<font color="#000000">:</font><font color="#000000"><font face="Calibri">

1. It is very common to miss someone while looking at the moon in Chinese culture.

2. In ancient time</font>
,情人</font><font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000"> doesn't mean lover</font>s</font><font color="#000000"><font face="Calibri">it means </font>有情之人。<font face="Calibri">I don't know how to translate <s>a person who is sensitive to mood</s></font><s>(??)</s><s><font face="Calibri"> </font></s></font><font face="Calibri">this term to suit the mood.</font>
<font color="#000000" face="Calibri">
3. </font>
<font color="#000000">夕</font><font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000"> has two meaning</font>s</font><font color="#000000"><font face="Calibri">one is sunset and the other is evening. </font>竟夕</font><font color="#000000"><font face="Calibri">means the whole night.

4.</font>
<font face="Calibri"> also not mean pity here</font><font face="Calibri">in ancient time</font><font face="Calibri">it can mean love. for example</font>,怜香惜玉。</font><font face="Calibri"><font color="#000000">

</font>1.  </font><font face="Calibri">"Whether" has the same meaning for "if" but used in comparing two situations.  "if" does not.

"Whether you go or not, I don't care".  "If you go, I don't care".

2.   </font><font face="Calibri">As in my essay, titles should be short and concise.  Has to grab the attention of readers. 

3.  </font><font face="Calibri">You need to give the poet's name in English

4.  </font><font face="Calibri">This is not wrong.  You are translating it's meaning but I am doing a literal translation to retain the feel of the poet's thinking.  The green colored coding is the correction of your English.  The blue one is my interpretation.  Translation of poetry is difficult and so you have your style and mine.  They are not wrong.  Just different styles.  If there is any disagreement, it will be in red.

5.  You are indeed correct in your commentary.  pei (?) </font>
<font face="Calibri">.  You know your poetry background well!  This is a poem about missing his friend.  Not about lovers.  Without your most useful commentaries I would not be able to translate the true meaning of this poem as I won't have the time to research why this poem was written.  Translating and correct your work is a most welcome respite.  Can I consult you if I have to translate any classical poem?  I am truely humbled by your knowledge.  I fear your English will improve by leaps and bounds if you translate poetry for poetry is the crystalization of languages.

6.  </font><font face="Calibri">I chose, "evening" rather than "night" because "night" had been used.  I don't like repetition when not emphasizing something.

7.  </font><font face="Calibri">Although this word is not in the original text, it is implied.  This the crux of this poem which an English reader not knowing the background of the poem may miss the point of this poem entirely.

8.  The poet has been outside viewing the moon for a very long time so that his clothes became wet with dew.</font><o:p></o:p>

 

28 maja 2011
Oh, this helped my understanding.
29 maja 2011
Yes,you are right. 披衣觉露滋:披上衣服,感觉到夜里的露气重。
29 maja 2011
This is very fantasic and beautiful :-) I felt the seventh line tells about the dew from Chinese line.
29 maja 2011
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