Please check forrowing English writing for IELTS writing part.
I think it might be childish idea and not logical, I mean I'm not satisfied with this essay.
Q. In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.
・What do you think the cause of this?
・What solutions can you suggest?
My answer:
In several countries young people have little relaxation and are riddled with pressure to work hard in their studies. This essay will discuss the cause of this and how to solve this problem.
One reason for this is, in my view, homogenized education. In some nations like Japan, the general style of lessons is that students sit calmly and teachers give lectures in one way. Also, teachers impose students a lot of homework as reflection or preparation, as if teachers are not in business for it. This is unstimulating.
Personally, the revolution of education is essencial to address this issue. Provided, teachers abolish homework and install active learning in their lessons, students can simply have more leisure time. The reason why I consider active learning is that passive mind of students lead to corruption of education. Concentration from active learning will decrease the amount of things students heve to learn outside the school.
In conclusion, the cause for the problem is clear and steps must be taken by educators.