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Sissi
could you please help me check this eassy? thank you very much~!!!
only need to check
incorrect relative pronoun,
disagreement of verb and antecedent,
incorrect repetition of nouns or pronouns and incorrect comma usage.
EI Nino
Scientists have been studying an ocean event that is the cause of drastic changes in weather around the world. This event is an increase in the temperature of the Pacific Ocean that appears around Christmas off the coast of Peru. Hence, the Peruvian fishermen who first noticed it named it EI Nino, which means “the Christ child” in Spanish.
One of EI Nino’s far-reaching effects is that it threatens Peru’s vital anchovy harvest, which could mean higher prices for food. The warm water of EI Nino keeps the nutrient-rich, cold water that provides anchovies with food down at the bottom of the ocean. Anchovies are the primary source of fish meal, which is the main ingredient in livestock and chicken feed.
In addition, guano from birds, which feed off the anchovies, is a major source of fertilizer for farmers. As a result of decreasing supplies of anchovies and guano, the prices of chicken feed, livestock feed, and fertilizer rise. This causes farmers, who they must pay more for feed and fertilizer, to change more for the food they produces. The prices of eggs, meat, and even bread have soared as a result of EI Ninos in past years.
EI Nino has other global effects. It can cause heavy rains, floods, and mudslides along the coasts of North and South America and droughts in other parts of the world. In the 1982-1983 EI Nino, West Africa suffered a terrible drought that caused crop failures and food shortages. Lack of rain also created problems for Indonesia whose forests burned for months during the 1997-1998 EI Nino. Winds spread smoke from these fires as far north as Malaysia and Singapore, resulting in choking smog, which closed schools and caused pedestrians to wear masks.
Indeed, EI Nino is an unpredictable and uncontrollable phenomenon of nature, which we need to study it and understand it in order to prepare for and perhaps lessen whose devastating effects in the future.
Sep 22, 2011 8:27 PM
Answers · 7
1
Scientists have been studying an ocean event that is the cause of drastic changes in weather around the world. This event is an increase in the temperature of the Pacific Ocean that appears around Christmas off the coast of Peru. Hence, the Peruvian fishermen who first noticed it named it EI Nino, which means “the Christ child” in Spanish.
One of EI Nino’s far-reaching effects is that it threatens Peru’s vital anchovy harvest, which could mean higher prices for food. The warm water of EI Nino keeps the nutrient-rich, cold water that provides anchovies with food down at the bottom of the ocean. Anchovies are the primary source of fish meal, which is the main ingredient in livestock and chicken feed.
In addition, guano from birds, which feed off the anchovies, is a major source of fertilizer for farmers. As a result of decreasing supplies of anchovies and guano, the prices of chicken feed, livestock feed, and fertilizer rise. This causes farmers, who they must pay more for feed and fertilizer, to CHARGE more for the food they PRODUCE. The prices of eggs, meat, and even bread have soared as a result of EI Ninos in RECENT years.
EI Nino has other global effects. It can cause heavy rains, floods, and mudslides along the coasts of North and South America and droughts in other parts of the world. In the 1982-1983 EI Nino, West Africa suffered a terrible drought that caused crop failures and food shortages. Lack of rain also created problems for Indonesia WHERE forests burned for months during the 1997-1998 EI Nino. Winds spread smoke from these fires as far north as Malaysia and Singapore, resulting in choking smog, which closed schools and caused pedestrians to wear masks.
Indeed, EI Nino is an unpredictable and uncontrollable phenomenon of nature, which we need to study (DELETE IT) and understand (DELETE IT) in order to prepare for and perhaps lessen THESE devastating effects in the future.
September 22, 2011
1
Is an increase in temperature really an event? Or is it more a "phenomenon"?
Very few people I see on language sites (myself included) are very good at comma correction. Though I see it occur all the time, I would never put a comma in the following sentence:
"Anchovies are the primary source of fish meal, which is the main ingredient in livestock and chicken feed. "
Commas need a valid reason to "exist". As such, in my opinion, it is always better to have too few commas than too many. Using this line of reasoning, one would be safer leaving a comma out than adding one.
Correction (carefully compare to your original sentence):
"This causes farmers, who must now pay more for feed and fertilizer, to charge more for the food they produce."
What is the plural of El Nino? Is it El Ninos or Los Ninos? To me, El Ninos sounds anglicized. I'm betting the correct plural would be Los Ninos - even though El Nino has become a globally recognized phrase.
You many find this hard to believe but I would not put any commas in the following sentence:
"Winds spread smoke from these fires as far north as Malaysia and Singapore resulting in choking smog which closed schools and caused pedestrians to wear masks."
Correction:
"Indeed, EI Nino is an unpredictable and uncontrollable phenomenon of nature which we need to study and understand in order to prepare for and perhaps lessen its devastating effects in the future. "
September 22, 2011
1
A few comments:
"....an increase in the temperature of the Pacific Ocean that appears around Christmas off the coast of Peru" --- this seems to tell me that the Pacific Ocean appears around Christmas. I would say: "...an increase in the temperature of the Pacific Ocean, WHICH OCCURS around Christmas off the coast of Peru"
2 spelling errors in this fragment: "to CHARGE more for the food they PRODUCE"
I'm note sure about "as a result of EI Ninos in past years" -- the plural of El Niño would be Los Niños, I think. Most writers on the subject seem to get around this by using the phrase "El Niño events" instead.
The last sentence should be written as: "Indeed, EI Nino is an unpredictable and uncontrollable phenomenon of nature, which we need to study and understand in order to prepare for, and perhaps lessen, its devastating effects in the future.
When writing lists (xx, yy, and zz) the last comma is optional.
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September 22, 2011
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Sissi
Language Skills
Chinese (Mandarin), English
Learning Language
English
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