T
Tsukino
For the first time I wrote a poem in English. This is what I’ve wanted to try :) Elephant Your kindness always seems so gray, It leads me to the cave, Where I’ve buried my past. Still, I hope we might somehow last. Through the crystal cage, I see elephants walking in the shade. Their eyes always make me feel shame, No words, like the waves of the night, I feel so blamed by the world, How should I touch, how should I swallow your words? Through the crystal cage, I see elephants walking in the shade. A quiet glance, judging every moment, As I try to interpret this indescribable torment.
19 de jan de 2025 00:53
Comentários · 5
P
Pete from Boston
Professor Profissional
1
Very deep, and expressive.
19 de jan de 2025 08:20
Tsukino
I really appreciate you leaving a comment. Thank you for reading it.
19 de jan de 2025 09:45 · Responda
Pete from BostonTsukino
👍🙂
19 de jan de 2025 09:45 · Responda
A
Ahmadi Nacer Eddine
Tutor da Comunidade
1
This is a very powerful and thought-provoking poem. I love the way you've used "elephants" as a symbol—they seem to represent heavy, almost overwhelming emotions like shame, judgment, and the weight of the past. The imagery of the "crystal cage" is particularly striking, conveying a sense of both entrapment and fragile separation from the outside world. The repetition of "Through the crystal cage, I see elephants walking in the shade" creates a haunting rhythm that mirrors the sense of being trapped in these feelings. Your use of "blamed by the world" and "judging every moment" really conveys internal conflict, while the phrase "How should I touch, how should I swallow your words?" speaks to the difficulty in responding to or even processing the kindness you mention at the start. If you're open to suggestions, I might recommend exploring the contrast between the "gray kindness" and the emotions of shame and torment in a bit more depth—maybe drawing out how those contrasts interact throughout the poem. That could add a layer of complexity, but your poem is already deeply evocative and moving.
 ...Ler mais
19 de jan de 2025 22:36
Tsukino
I really appreciate that you tried to interpret my poem so deeply. I hope you enjoyed this and what I wanted to express in this poem has been conveyed. And thank you for your wonderful suggestion.
20 de jan de 2025 12:03 · Responda
T
Tsukino
Habilidades linguísticas
Inglês, Japonês, Latim, Russo
Idioma de aprendizado
Inglês, Latim, Russo
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