一个外国人参加“普通话演讲比赛”，他的开场白是这样的：先生们，女士们，你们好，我的普通话说得不好，我与贵国语言的关系就如同我跟我太太的关系一样，我很爱它，却又无法控制它”。

A foreigner attends Putonghua speech contest ，Here's his opening line：Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I can't speak Mandarin well，My relationship with your language is the same as my relationship with my wife, I love it, but I can't control it。


开心一刻 Jokes

无法控制（wú fǎ kòng zhì）

王老师的中文班来了个留学生，他对中国的汉字非常感兴趣。这天，他上街回来找到王老师，不解的说：“王老师，你们中国人太不谦虚了。”
　　“为什么这么说？”王老师感到惊讶。“因为我看街上有很多大招牌，都是自我炫耀。比如：中国很行，中国人民很行，中国农业很行，中国建设很行，中国工商很行。”
　　王老师听了才知道他把“银”看成“很”了。
An foreign student came to Mr. Wang's Chinese class. He was very interested in Chinese characters. One day, he came back from the street to find Mr. Wang and said incomprehensibly, "Mr. Wang, you Chinese are too modest."

"Why do you say that?" Mr. Wang was surprised. "The big reason is that I see many big signs on the street, all of which are self display. For example, China is very good, the Chinese people are very good, China's agriculture is very good, China's construction is very good, and China's industry and commerce are very good."
After listening, Mr. Wang realized that he regarded "silver" as "very".

很行（hěn xíng）very good      银行（yín háng）bank 
行(xíng,  háng) polyphonic character

中国银行zhōng guó yín háng

一个会讲一点中文的老外在水果摊上问老板：“苹果怎么卖？”
老板说：“每斤(美金)5块”。
老外掏出10美金说：“我要两个苹果”然后嘀咕道：“中国的东西一点儿也不便宜，比我国家的还贵。
 
A foreigner who could speak a little Chinese asked the boss at a fruit stall, "how do you sell apples?"
The boss said, "5 yuan per catty ."
The foreigner took out $10 and said, "I want two apples." then he muttered, "Chinese things are not cheap at all. They are more expensive than my country's.

Měi jīn 每斤：every catty       Měi jīn美金： USD

每斤5块 měi jīn wǔ kuài

一次，华特先生参加一对年轻华侨的婚礼，他很有礼貌的赞美新娘漂亮，一旁的新郎立即代表新娘表示感谢，“哪里哪里”，华特先生觉得挺不好意思的，以为未说到地方，便用中国话再说：头发，眉毛，眼睛，耳朵，鼻子都很漂亮。”

Once, Mr. Walter attended the wedding of a pair of young overseas Chinese. He politely praised the bride for her beauty. The groom at the side immediately thanked her on behalf of the bride. "Where is it?" Mr. Walter felt very embarrassed. He thought he had not spoken about the place, so he said in Chinese: "hair, eyebrows, eyes, ears and nose are beautiful."

哪里哪里-Chinese way to say thanks

哪里哪里nǎ lǐ nǎ lǐ 

皮特去中国朋友家吃饭，他正好要用刀叉，就直接跟旁边的人说：给我一刀！”
Peter went to a Chinese friend's house for dinner and just wanted to use a knife and fork, so he directly said to the people next to him, "give me a shot!" 

给我一把刀：give me a knife   
给我一刀：give me a shot/hurt me with a knife

给我一刀 gěi wǒ yī dāo

贵重物品
父亲把五岁的儿子抱在怀里，全神贯注地看篮球赛，孩子看到运动员拼命地抢球，便问道：“爸爸，篮球一定很贵，是吗”，爸爸惊诧地说：“宝贝，你怎么会这样想呢？”孩子说：“要是不贵，他们为什么不每人买一个呢？”
valuables
The father held his five-year-old son in his arms and watched the basketball game intently. When the child saw the players fighting for the ball desperately, he asked, "Dad, basketball must be very expensive, isn't it?" the father said in surprise, "baby, how can you think so?" The child said, "if it's not expensive, why don't they each buy one?"