I noticed that many italki users call others with whom they interact for the first time brother, sister, bro, sis, friend, my dear etc. As a German I’m not used to that and always feel a bit awkward if strangers calls me sister, sis, friend, dear and ma‘am (the last word just makes me feel old). I understand that it’s meant to be friendly and polite but it still makes me feel uncomfortable. In Germany you don’t call other people brother, sister or friend. And you only refer to other people as friends if you really have a long-standing very deep relationship. Otherwise they’re just acquaintances or „somebody I know“.
Is it customary in your country to call others brother, sister or friend? Do you feel awkward if people (for instance here on italki) don’t use these words but just address you with your first name?
I think most people of my age from the UK would find it odd to be called 'brother' or 'friend' by a stranger, or someone they barely knew. I agree with Miriam that we use the word 'friend' to refer to someone to whom we are close, not a casual acquaintance.
I have become aware that the word is used rather loosely on this site by people from some countries. My advice to those from these countries is to avoid addressing Europeans and North Americans in this way, even if in their country it is seen as a sign of respect. We might misunderstand it as overly familiar, conveying the opposite message [of lack of respect].
Generally speaking, when you talk to someone, you should probably talk to them in a way that they’re okay with. They’re giving you their time and are not obligated to keep talking to you if you don’t respect their comfort levels.
As a general rule, I like to be called with my first name, but if someone online called me dear or sister and I knew they are from the Middle East or other certain parts of the world, it would sound perfectly normal.
You see, Miriam, there is a charm to these words in Arabic : ) They don’t sound as sweet in English.
If I approached an old man and offered my help, I would call him “uncle”, and if it was an old woman, calling her “aunty” or even “mother” feels so right. It’s a sign of respect.
Someone from the U.S called me “ma’am” more than once and I liked it as it sounds charming. I’m not sure if it’s considered old fashioned, but I don’t really care :D In real life no one would call me “ma’am” because people mistakenly believe I’m younger than my real age, so they would never use this word to address me.
Dealing with my clients online, I address them with “Dear Mr./ Ms.” and if they became repetitive clients, then I omit Mr/ Ms and they do the same.
These things don’t irritate me at all, maybe because I usually don’t act in a formal way. I would only feel the need to be formal if I knew that I could irritate the person I’m talking to and I would definitely call them the way they like to be called.
I do call one of my friends on italki “Sis” and sometimes I refer to some of italki acquaintances as “friends” even though I’m aware of the real meaning of “friend”, but I’m not used to the word “acquaintance” in my daily life. At work I used to refer to them as “colleagues”, but italki isn’t work and the situation is different.
I think this is common in middle east. Men call women sister so that they show their well-intention in dealing with women that they meet for the first time and brother as well concerning women.
I think we should use zero-titles when we are dealing with people whom we meet for the first time because we don't know the cultural background that everyone's belongs to.
Thanks Miriam for putting this point in discussion.
