*This story contains graphic and explicit material it is not recommended for children, for mature audiences only* The Cat and The Baboon is a short story about gossip and the service industry involving a cat and a baboon, by David Sedaris illustrations by Ian Falconer. Send me a message for your free pdf copy of this book. https://www.italki.com/en/teacher/13365914 The Cat and The Baboon The cat had a party to attend, and went to the baboon to get herself groomed. “What kind of party?” the baboon asked, and she massaged the cat’s neck in order to relax her, the way she did with all her customers. “Hope it’s not that harvest dance down on the riverbank. My sister went last year and said she’d never seen such rowdiness. Said a fight broke out between two possums, and one gal, the wife of one or the other, got pushed onto a stump and knocked out four teeth. And they were pretty ones too, none of this yellowness you find on most things that eat trash.” The cat shuddered. “No,” she said. “This is just a little get-together, a few friends. That type of thing.” “Will there be food?” the baboon asked. “Something,” the cat sighed. “I just don’t know what.” “ ‘Course it’s hard,” the baboon said. “Everybody eating different things. You got one who likes leaves and another who can’t stand the sight of them. Folks have gotten so picky nowadays, I just lay out some peanuts and figure they either eat them or they don’t.” “Now, I wouldn’t like a peanut,” the cat said. “Not at all.” “Well, I guess you’d just have drinks, then. The trick is knowing when to stop.” “That’s never been a problem for me,” the cat boasted. “I drink until I’m full, and then I push myself away from the table. Always have.” “Well, you’ve got sense, then. Not like some of them around here.” The baboon picked a flea from the cat’s head and stuck it gingerly between her teeth.