Nevertheless, there are a number of drawbacks which can be harmful (harmful to who? harmful for what? Be more clear here). I've actually read some articles which reveal that for bilingual children the risk of developing dyslexia is quite high elevate. That's the reason why that from my point of view, it is essential that the activity of the teachers is monitored by experts (for instance, psychologists or doctors).
In addition, children could also be very confused by this new language that when they are forced to listen; therefore, this method may prevent them from quickly learning(3) quickly their own language.
Finally, in my opinion, young children can start learning a foreign language in kindergarten, but only under the supervision of good teacher and experts in child's development.
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(1) Having so many "and" in a row sounds unnatural; you can change the last one to "as well as"
(2) It's a little weird from saying "there are many risks," but then listing the benefits. If you say "There are many risks. First, ....." the reader will expect "first" to be a risk, not a benefit. So, you can add a sentence like this to make your essays' structure more clear.
(3) prevent A from Verb+ing
Some other notes:
- I think it would help you to look up more about when to use a comma ( , ) vs. a semicolon ( ; ). A semicolon is used to connect two independent clauses in one sentence.
- You don't need to have each sentence in it's own paragraph; you can combine them into longer paragraphs.
red corrections are for things that are incorrect.
blue corrections are for things that could be changed to sound more natural, but are not grammatically incorrect.
Anything with a number like this (1), (2), etc., had a corresponding note at the end.
Sorry I ran out of space, so I have to post this in two parts!
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In today's world speaking fluently a foreign language fluently is becoming more and more important, both for academics or and working reasons, as well as for our daily life(1). In Italy, children are taught English since the primary school; however, some people believe that they could start learning a language even before, namely in kindergarten.Personally, I agree with them, but I'm convinced that the teachers should proceed with caution because there are some risks that must be avoided. First I'll mention some of the benefits of starting language learning earlier. Then, I'll discuss some of the risks involved.(2)
First, young children are able to learn a language more easily than adults, so it would be a great opportunity for them to start familiarising becoming familiar with English as soon as possible in order to grow up almost bilingual.
Moreover, in kindergarten it is too soon for children to learn mathematics or grammar; on the contrary, if they keep listening to someone who is speaking another language, it will be simple to begin to repeat and learn it. There are even some methods for the instruction of a foreign language for adults based on this system of listening and repetition.
(continued )
IELTS Writing task 2: Foreign language instruction should begin in kindergarten. Discuss.
In today's world speaking fluently a foreign language is becoming more and more important, both for academic or working reasons and for our daily life. In Italy children are taught English since the primary school. However, some believe that they should start learning a foreign language even before, namely in kindergarten.Personally, I agree with them but I'm convinced that their teachers should proceed with caution because there are some risks that must be avoided.
First, young children are able to learn a language more easily than adults so it would be a great opportunity for them to start familiarising themselves with English as soon as possible in order to grow up almost bilingual.
Moreover, kindergarten is too soon for children to learn mathematics or grammar. On the contrary, if they keep hearing another language, it will be simple to begin to repeat and learn it. There are even some methods for the instruction of a foreign language for adults based on this listening and repetition system.
Nevertheless, there are a number of drawbacks. I've actually* read some articles showing that bilingual children are more likely to develop dyslexia. That is why, from my point of view, it is essential that the teacher's activity is monitored by experts, eg. psychologists or doctors.
In addition, children could also be very confused by this new intrusive language, and this method may retard learning their own language.
Finally, in my opinion, young children can start learning a foreign language in kindergarten but only under the supervision of a good teacher and experts in child development.
Very well written!
