Joe
IELTS eassy: the unhappy young generation == THE TOPIC == In some countries, young people are not only richer, but also safer and healthier than ever before. However, they are less happy. What is the main reason about this? What can be done for this? == THE ESSAY == It is a surprising fact in some countries that young people are not as happy as before, even though they are wealthier, safer and healthier than their parents were. This essay will look at the reasons behind this and suggest some possible solutions. In my opinion, young people are unhappy mainly because they do not have enough challenges in their lives, and some of them may have problems finding out the purposes of their lives. People feel happy for many different reasons. The most important one is a sense of accomplishment, which comes from conquering challenges or fulfilling purposes. Unlike their parents, most young people today do not have to fight for a better life since they already have almost everything needed for a decent life. It is therefore easy for many young people to constantly indulge in meaningless activities, which may lead to a huge waste of time and feelings of loss and regrets. There are a number of ways that can help the young generation to find passion and purpose in life, which will in turn improve their wellbeing. The best way is to travel and know more about the world. While wonders of the world such as the Great Barrier Reef amaze people, young people may also learn that not everyone in this world lives a life as good as theirs. In some countries in Africa, for example, there are people who are still struggling to survive. It sometimes can change one’s life just to see a different part of the world, because it inspires people to rethink about the meaning of life. There are many other ways to help young people to find the right track and improve their happiness. The key is to get inspired and put the thoughts into action. In conclusion, there are reasons why there is a decline in young people’s wellbeing, and it is import for the young generation to find out what they want in their lives and go for it. (331 words. I know it's too long)
2013年7月26日 02:59
修改 · 3
Hi Jessica, thank you for the comment. It is quite encouraging.For the first and last paragraphs, I had to write them because IELTS specifically requires the introduction and summary paragraphs:( Anyway, I should pay attention to the length of my essay in the real test, writing more than 280 words means a greater possibility to make mistakes and less time to double-check. Thanks again. I'll keep on practicing.
2013年7月26日
Joe, your essay is quite good! You are an excellent writer. I think that because the length of the essay is so short, you must be very concise and give very precise answers. I think it would be okay to take out the first paragraph. It's really just a bunch of filler which isn't needed. Maybe instead of taking a whole paragraph to restate the topic, try to do it in one short sentence. Also, it might be good to describe one specific activity that young people indulge in but is meaningless. You can take out the last paragraph too because it is also just fluff. Great thoughts, Joe!
2013年7月26日
bueno en mi opinión yo pienso que las personas que son ricas siempre lo han tenido todo y nunca han tenido que luchar por ello es por eso que no logran llenar esa satisfacción de sentir que han logrado realizar algo por sus propios medios y es por ello que no son felices
2013年7月26日
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